Couloir-Tastic

Last week was a bonkers week in many ways, so this post deserves to be just as bonkers - here goes. For many years I’ve skied with the Joneses (now newly named and self–titled as a double barrelled ‘Special-Weeds’) and it’s always a hectic time with them, especially over the half-term holiday.

When Captain Chris first sent me their list of things to do, I nearly fainted and felt very Weedy myself at the thought of it all. Firstly, Robbie and Olivia (the teenagers) had decided that their days of cruising around the biggest ski area in the world with their parents were numbered and were looking for more ‘cool’ things to do.

Blimey, there’s a statement, bearing in mind that they are both very competent skiers on all grading of pistes. So that meant skiing more off-piste in variable snow conditions, and sniffing out the odd couloir as an extra challenge. This is the kind of stuff that loads of Alpha Male skiers bang on about in the bars here in Méribel and other top ski resorts, and can’t follow it up the next day on the mountain. Come to think about it, this Private Ski Instructor in Méribel (just slipped in another cheeky attempt to help with online search engine rankings) doesn’t get to ski much himself whilst teaching. But you see the thing is, Alpha Males choose to brag about such things because it’s actually pretty serious.

The photo above shows one of the Courchevel couloirs, the impressively steep ‘Téléphérique’, which starts directly (and falls away from) the top of the Courchevel cable car. As always, photos make gradients look flat, but if you look carefully the little ants at the top of the shot are people skiing down the infamous Combe de Saulire red piste.

One of the days last week I skied the couloirs with only Olivia in the morning, and then later with only Robbie in the afternoon, my Weedy legs were getting tested. Robbie and Olivia both ski technically very well on testing pistes, which meant I was happy to take them into this environment, but something was playing on my mind. If either of them were to trip and fall, then…… well…… how do I say this….. it’s not like taking a tumble on the piste.

I felt as though I had to mention this to Helen their Mother, just to double check and make it clear, but when I did you should’ve seen her face! I took the blank look as a positive thing !?! Bet you can’t guess what happened a few moments later, the next couloir I skied with Olivia? Yep, she tripped over something and started to slide downhill at a rapid pace. Fortunately she was able to slow herself down and come to a halt. ‘Thank goodness for that’ I thought with my heart pumping, and then I realised that one of her skis had released off her ski boot, but sadly was motionless about twenty metres above me with a snow-covered Olivia below me. RUBBISH. I looked at Olivia down below me, taking a rest sitting on the snow……. she looked up to me helplessly saying ‘Sorry’….. RUBBISH. The glamour of the job of being a patient ski instructor in Méribel (yippee, hopefully more search engine bonus points!). The Alpha Males in the Méribel bars don’t talk about side-stepping up an impossibly steep couloir to collect a ski do they? Anyway, we all survived, but my Weedy legs struggled with the side-stepping up and skiing down countless couloirs, or so the Joneses like to think.

Another item on Captain Chris’s list for last week was to take a day trip away from our ‘Dog Basket’ of the Méribel and 3 Valleys ski area. On Thursday morning we drove for 45 minutes to the rustic ski resort of Champagny, which is conveniently connected to the Paradiski area of La Plagne and Les Arcs.The morning was quite a challenge though. Captain Chris called the visibility ‘Pea Soup’, I called it ‘downright unpleasant’; we couldn’t see a thing because of the thick cloud. But after lunch, I thought (and hoped) I could see the faint outline of the sun above us. It’s very difficult predicting weather in the mighty Alps, but I took a gamble and suggested that we should try going up to the highest point of the Bellecote Glacier of La Plagne, hoping against hope that visibility would improve. It was either going to be a complete disaster, or……

Oooph, what a result? The final (ancient) bubble took us above a massive expanse of sea of cloud just as we reached the foot of the Bellecote Glacier. We were all utterly gobsmacked by the beauty before us. It was one of those moments that completely stopped us in our tracks and left us speechless.

I can’t begin to describe the sheer beauty that was in front of us. Whilst taking the odd photo a La Plagne pisteur walked across to me to talk. Now, bearing in mind I was wearing a ‘foreign’, ie Méribel Ski Instructor’s (!) ESF uniform and was clearly not a local, he still beamed from ear to ear and said ‘Incroyable, c’est magnifique’. Enough said. But yet again, sadly it’s so difficult to record in camera such an experience. Needless to say that afternoon will stay with us all for many years to come.

On our final day together back in the 3 Valleys, Captain Chris had another trick up his sleeve. Now before I mention this next special treat, I want to point out that what happened last Friday was extremely unusual for me. Ok, here goes…. We had lunch at L’Oxalys, a two star Michelin graded restaurant in Val Thorens. I’ve only ever once eaten before at a two star Michelin restaurant, last winter with corporate clients in St Martin. So to experience this again was quite amazing. Unfortunately I’m not eloquent enough to describe how amazing the experience was, but needless to say it wasn’t wasted on me or the ‘Special-Weeds’. What a week Ladies and Gentlemen !?!So enough about the great life, that’s all history now. I’ve come straight back down to Earth this week. Packed lunches each day because I’m in the middle of the crazy French school holidays which means group lessons for me this week, with very little time to take a few minutes rest for coffee. Most of my lessons are being delivered in French as well, Zut Alors. The glamour of the job, no sympathy from anyone out there, especially after last week's experiences.MartinP.S. Can’t get that view out of my mind from last Thursday. The only landmark that I could recognise looking across to Méribel miles away from La Plagne, was our very own mighty glacier here in the Méribel Valley, the Gebroulaz.